Dating Advice and Dating Articles by eOnlineDatingSites.com

Opinion mixed on eHarmony.com

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 16:27:27 -0800

Number of complaints on eHarmony continue to grow.

eHarmony.com continues to be one of the market leaders in the internet dating business. Their TV ads and radio
spots have taken over the air waves. In fact, you simply can't watch TBS for an hour without seeing their
commercials. After you see their founder and grand father figure, Dr. Neil Clark Warren, with his calm voice and "matter of fact" statements
about why eHarmony.com is the best online dating site, with their super duper proprietary matching model, which matches people
up using 29 Dimensions of compatibility, it's no wonder why anyone would use anything else.

They have carved out a nice niche when it comes to matchmaking for married-minded singles. If you're ready to settle down,
have kids and buy the house with the white picket fence, eHarmony.com is a choice you can not over look.

However, consumers are speaking out against eHarmony.com speaking out in a big way. Our most
popular thread in our
message forum
is about eHarmony. We invite you to share your own experiences by
clicking here. We would like to show a
balanced view, so if you have any experience using eHarmony.com, please post a message in our forums so others can
read you views.

Looks like eHarmony.com customers are also speaking out on eHarmony.com on a popular
consumer affairs site.

Why so much attention to eHarmony.com? From talking with many of the singles who have attended some of the speed dating
events we've crashed, it appears what upsets many of the singles we've talked with is the bait and switch about a free
personality profile, the company claims to be a $50 value, which is really required for their matching engine to perform.
eHarmony.com is also expensive, starting at $49.95/month or $99 for 3 months, making it one of the most expensive dating
sites on the net today.

To eHarmony.com's defense, their rates do weed out people who are not married minded. The fact they have to answer 500 questions
in their profile before they be matched up, also sends the players packing. They also claim to be responsible for over 6,000 marriages as
of the end of 2004 so 12,000 people have had success in finding a spouse online.

We would really like to get your thoughts,
please share them with us!

Yahoo! Personals and fake personal ads.

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 13:57:09 -0800

Yahoo! Personals, MSN Personals, AOL Personals, Match.com, eHarmony.com and AmericanSingles.com are all getting jammed up with fake personal ads. This problem is getting out of control on the major sites because they fail to invest in technology and humans to review online personal ads before they are posted.

Why do people post fake online personal ads you ask? Some of the reasons might surprise you. Some of the focus groups of singles who have used the major online dating sites like Yahoo! Personals and Match.com actually suggest that up-to two-thirds of their profiles are misleading.

“I found on Yahoo! Personals that a third of the men who contacted me actually ended up being married while another third of the members lived with their girlfriend or had been in a relationship for the past year.” Said Allison, who is 27 and lives in California.

Dina from Omaha wrote us this, “The problem isn’t just in California, it amazing me at the number of cheaters who are online. I find over 50% of the men I’ve met on Yahoo Personals are in a committed relationship and simply bored. I have decided, if a man won’t cook for me, at his home, on the 5th date – I move on.”

Sure the web is a perfect place for people to lie their ass off. Fake identities have been around for ever and are practically as old as the internet itself. However, we're still amused by these Yahoo! profiles featuring photos lifted from professional and amateur porn star sites. Maybe it's because we continue to marvel how some people have enough gumption to pass off pictures of some of the most well-known web models as their own, or that others are gullible enough to believe they're real. Hell maybe the whole imposter thing is a sort of fetish in and of itself? I guess on some level we just really want to believe that Tiffany Teen is looking to hook up with us too. With all of the drama on TV today about board housewives and younger women hooking up with sugar daddies, it’s no wonder the fantasy gets played out online.

There is another reason for these 100% fake personal ads of gorgeous, barely legal bombshells on Yahoo! Personals, Match.com and AmericanSingles.com They placed their by guys!, That’s right, they're trolling for pictures of real women. The clue is, they all say were “lesbian” or “women seeking women”. They use these pictures because (a) they are cute and (b) when it comes time to exchange more pictures (to prove that they are real), they can send more from the girls' websites. Many of the girls' websites have enough variety in them that the fakers can probably even do requests, such as “do you want me to take a picture in my red thong or naked by the swimming pool?” Why? Because they want to get the women on the other end of the email exchange to send them their amateur photos. For the fake imposter, getting an original amateur photo is as good as a score.

Finally, the last reason seems to be prostitution. They have headlines such as “Awesome fitness diva looking for fun” and “Young female willing to learn”. Others mention things like “Hard body looking for generous companion”. Because Match.com, Yahoo! Personals and AmericanSingles.com don’t really police their profiles you find a lot of these fake personal ads.

Some sites, like MyCountryMatch.com do a much better job of keeping the community of members on the up and up. It not to say they don’t have their share of liars online, but Yahoo! Personals and Match.com don’t make it as difficult for the fake imposters as MyCountryMatch.com.

We would like to hear about your experiences with Fake Personal Ads, visit our message forums and tell us about the cheaters and liars you have met online.

Is he married? How to tell if someone is married when using internet dating.

Wed, 1 Dec 2004 14:53:02 -0800

It is believe around the online dating circuit that a full one-third of the men on most of the national dating sites are married. Another one-third are in a bad relationship and they're out "hunting". Some dating sites like Lavalife cater to the Married but Looking crowd, others like MyCountryMatch.com ask people to pledge honesty about their marriage status and don't accept married members. So, how do you find out if he's married without hiring a private investigator? We hope this article helps:

Picture this scenario: You’re a woman on her own, with or without a relationship or two in your past. While the single life can be carefree and exciting, you also look forward to the companionship of a man who can be your best friend, your romantic partner, and, possibly, your future husband.

There’s just one catch. The last thing you want is to get involved with a married man, and not all men are forthcoming about their status. How do you find out if he’s already “taken”?

The one answer we heard from everyone we asked was "Be direct". Before you go to trouble of typing his name into a search engine such as Google.com or Yahoo.com, or even paying for an online background check, ask up front if he’s married or currently in a relationship. Remind him "married" means not legally divorced - some guys think separated is divorced, go figure!
We also learned from dating experts that married men often give clues about their real lives, whether they mean to or not. Here are some tips on what to look for:

Where do you typically go for dates? Does he avoid places near where he lives or works? Have you been to his home? Met his family? Is he nervous about being seen with you in public?
Does he give you a cell phone number or a work number, but never a home phone number? Does he tell you only to call him at work because he’s never home?
Does he call off dates with frequent tales of bad luck? A car that breaks down, a forgotten appointment, a sudden change in work schedule? Bad luck happens to everyone now and then, but people with something to hide seem to have more than their fair share of it.
Not all married men wear a wedding band, and not all rings are wedding rings, but if you see a tan line or a groove where he would ordinarily be wearing a ring, that may be cause for suspicion.
Ask him what he likes to eat. Single men either cook for themselves, or they go out to eat. If he looks well nourished but is vague about his dining-in preferences, someone, probably his wife, is feeding him
Does he use the words “we” or “I” when he talks about vacations, adventures, or day to day activities? If he unconsciously refers to himself in the plural, there may well be a wife and family involved.
Does he keep an odd schedule? If he works regular daytime hours but can never seem to meet you for dinner during the week, or if he’s oddly strict about when you can call, he may be trying to coordinate his home life and his extracurricular activities.
What's his attitude about relationships? Does he admit to, or mention previous infidelities? Does he think monogamy is boring, stifling, or impossible to achieve?
Romance and excitement are wonderful, but the best relationships are based on trust, friendship and fidelity. Use your best judgment in deciding whether to continue a relationship with a man you know (or suspect) is married, but give some thought to how you would feel about the “other woman” if you were his wife.

Video Dating Tips

Mon, 1 Nov 2004 14:47:40 -0800

Many internet dating sites are adding the ability for members to attach a short video to their profiles. We're amazed at just how bad some of these videos are, so we decided to write this article to help.

Before we get in the details, remember shorter is better. Instead of saying "umm" every six seconds - it is better to have a video with a short script, something like: "Hi, my name is Mike, I'm 28 years old and would love to meet you!. That's it. Now, remember, you can't smile too much for the camera. It feels odd, but you must smile at the beginning, end and at each pause. Next, wash your face, comb your hair and put on a nice shirt!

Blow away the competition with these simple suggestions!

Here are a few tips to help you set up, direct and create your video intro.
First, you need a video camera that can record movie files to your hard drive. If you own a digital camera, it may already have this capability, so check the instructions. If you don’t have a digital camera, you can pick up a “web cam” which can be used to create your video profile and later for video conferencing - something many of the dating sites are now enabling.
Once you’ve got your camera set up and working, make a few short videos, to familiarize yourself with lighting, location, audio and image quality. Nobody is expecting a Grammy-winning performance here, but you should try to make a video that is pleasant to watch and easy to hear.
Next, work out a script so you have some idea what to say once the camera’s rolling. Introduce yourself, don’t forget to SMILE, and then say a little about yourself and your interests. Write your lines on a big card that you can put outside the camera range, but that you can see easily if you need prompting.
Use discretion and good taste. This is a basic introduction, not a steamy come-on. Your video should not contain anything that would embarrass you if your friends, your family or your boss were to watch it.
Rehearse until you sound spontaneous. This may seem like a contradiction, but unless you’re that rare person who’s comfortable in any social situation, you’ll need to practice. If it helps, try to imagine yourself feeling confident and comfortable as you introduce yourself to someone whose personality and “presence” puts you at ease.
Use a timer or a stopwatch to keep yourself within the time limits for the site where you’ll be posting your video. Pace yourself appropriately – don’t talk so fast that people will have trouble understanding you, but avoid “dead air” or long pauses.
If you’re nervous, or feel silly talking to yourself, wait until you have some privacy. Or, see if you and a friend can team up to produce each others’ videos.
The area where you’ll be shooting should not compete with your message. Tidy up the room, close the curtains and closet doors, point the camera and really take a look at what’s in the picture behind you. You want people to be looking at you, not at the weird stuff in the background. That includes people, pets, televisions, computer monitors, wall decorations, posters, windows, doorways, mirrors and any kind of distracting junk.
When you feel you’re ready to make your video, spend some time to really look your best. Dress to impress: your clothing should flatter you. Your hair should be neatly styled. Teeth and skin should be sparkling. Use makeup where necessary, to hide blemishes and bring out your best features.
Experiment with lighting. You don’t need expensive photographer’s lamps – the light from a window, a desk lamp or even a strong flashlight can do a very effective job, Ideally, your face should be lit from above, a little to one side. Avoid harsh shadows by balancing a strong light on one side with a softer light coming from the opposite direction. Avoid lighting your face from below – it looks creepy. And don’t shine the light straight into your face – it will emphasize wrinkles around your eyes, and it gives you a flat, washed-out look.
Let the cameras roll! Make sure you’re recording, do one last technical check, look in the mirror one more time, and go for it. Don’t be too much of a perfectionist – go ahead and do it over if you aren’t happy with the first take, but don’t obsess over every little blooper.
When you’re done, use the video editing software that came with your camera to trim your video to the required time, then save and upload your video by following the instructions on the web site that will be hosting it for you.
Videos are a fun way to introduce yourself to others. They add warmth and interaction to your profile, and they convey your personality in ways that are much easier to communicate than text and still pictures. The cost is minimal, and the results can be very rewarding.

First Date Tips when using internet dating

Tue, 2 Nov 2004 14:52:25 -0800

So, you’ve finally got to the point where you’ve met someone online, the two of you have exchanged a few messages and perhaps chatted a few times, and now you’re ready to meet each other in real life. The following tips will help you make sure your first date is memorable for the right reasons

For the first date, plan to keep it short. A lunch date is ideal. If the two of you really click, you can always stay out longer, or make plans to meet again.
Have a backup plan just in case the weather turns bad or the restaurant is closed.
Call a day or two beforehand to confirm the date, time and place.
Both he and she should use their own transportation on a first date. Be sure you know how to get to where you’ve agreed to meet, and show respect for your date by arriving on time.
Dress appropriately for the occasion. For her: dress comfortably, and (although it sounds like a cliché) avoid overly provocative clothing. For him: be clean and neat, get a fresh haircut and a shave. For both: shower, use a mouthwash and deodorant, and avoid strong perfume or aftershave.
For your own safety, let a friend or relative know where you’re going. Carry a cell phone with you, and be prepared to leave if things go beyond your comfort zone.
Keep the conversation light and pleasant. Good subjects include family, work and career goals, hobbies and music. Touchy subjects such as ex-girlfriends, boyfriends or spouses are always off-limits on a first date.
Show class and self control. Don’t go “all the way” on the first or second date, and drink in moderation, if you drink at all.
First dates can be stressful. Keep a sense of humor, and don’t take things too seriously.
Know when to end the date. Leave on a high note, before either of you starts getting bored. Be honest and courteous about whether you want to meet again.

Writing a great online personal ad.

Wed, 27 Oct 2004 14:46:22 -0800

With over 40 million personals on the internet today, you have competition. The biggest mistake people make is, they rush through the essay questions on the dating site. This is a huge mistake. Think of it this way, USA Today is read by over 2 million people each day, a small number compared to the number of people who read personal ads each day. If you were going to place an ad in USA Today, you wouldn't just write it from the hip, would you?

Gwen, an editor at AmazingProfiles.com, offers this advice:

Step one: Write your personal ad in Microsoft Word, or any editor with a spell checker. Yes, don't make the mistake many do of writing their essay answers while online. Yes, I know you want to get started right way, but don't do it. Copy down the essay questions while you're online, then write out your answers in your editor, spell check it, then take a break and go grab a bite to eat. Stepping away from the content for 15 minutes will allow you to make better revisions. Once you have it done, log back into the dating site and post your essay questions.

Your profile is usually the first thing people see when you join a dating site. If you’re serious about attracting someone special, your profile should be a reflection of your personality. It should show attention to detail and confidence. The results you get depend on the effort you're willing to make in this very important presentation.

Here are some tips on how to practice “The Art of the First Impression”:

• Be positive! Emphasize what you want in a relationship (“romantic outings and possibly more”) rather than what you don’t want (“no freaks or timewasters”).

• Keep it short and simple – you don’t have to write a book, a few lines will do. Say just enough to make people want to know more about you.

• Be original! Read other profiles to get ideas, but use your own words to describe yourself and the person you’re looking for. Avoid clichés such as “trustworthy” and “honest”, people ought to be able to take that for granted.

• Avoid using too many abbreviations. Profiles such as “DWF ISO DWM FOR POSS. RLTP” are not as inviting as “They say love is better the second time around. Warm, compassionate single mom looking for tender, passionate single dad. Let’s blend families!”

• Highlight your best features. List the things you like about yourself, and qualities that are important to you in a relationship.

• Get feedback. Ask a friend or trusted family member to look over your profile before posting it online. Would they want to meet the person in your profile?

• If you have a particular passion about something, describe it, for instance “I volunteer once a week at the local homeless shelter” or “I own and drive my own race car”.

• Don’t forget to check spelling and grammar. You don’t have to sound like an English professor, but try to avoid looking careless.

• Take a look at your own profile at least once a week, and don’t be afraid to revise it if you’re not getting the responses you’re looking for.

• Include a recent, flattering photo. See the Photo Tips article for ideas on taking the perfect picture.

If all of this sounds like too much work, visit Gwen at AmazingProfiles.com. They'll do it all for you at a very reasonable price. Either way, if you're going to have a profile online, make it the best you can, and give it some effort!

Dating someone with children, frank advice.

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 14:44:59 -0800

"Dating and Children" - Things to consider when one or both of you have children.

A ready-made family can be a blessing or a deal-breaker when it comes to dating. Many single parents are afraid to begin dating again, because they think their children make them less desirable. By the same token, many non-parents are put off by the idea of dating someone with kids because they don’t want to seen as a convenient surrogate parent. Yet many relationships flourish despite, or even because, of the children. In many cases, the joys of a “blended family” can be more than the sum of its parts.

We asked the experts – single parents who found love and romance through Internet dating – for their tips, cautions, and advice when it comes to dating with children.

• Are you looking for a partner for yourself, or a parent for your child? Some of our members told us that single parents who put too much emphasis on their kids can scare off potential dates.

• Don’t bring the kids with you on a first date. Wait until a relationship has had a chance to develop before you begin doing things together as a family.

• You do not need to introduce every date to your children – in fact this may be disruptive and confusing for them. Then again, don’t wait until you’re ready to announce your engagement before breaking the news to the children. When a relationship starts to get serious, it’s appropriate for everyone to start getting to know each other.

• Consider the feelings of your kids. If you’re single because of a divorce or separation, kids often feel they are somehow to blame. Bringing a new partner into the relationship can cause the kids to feel emotional confusion and even resentment. Be sure to let the kids know that your date is not meant to replace their “real” mom or dad.

• A loving partner deserves his or her fair share of attention. You are more than just a parent – if your life revolves around your children, your adult relationships can suffer unless you consciously make time for your partner as well as for your kids.

• Before the relationship develops too far, you should discuss and establish child discipline roles with a new partner. House rules need to be applied consistently, and both adults need to support each other’s decisions.

• Child support, custody and relations with your ex are matters for you and your ex-spouse to deal with privately. It’s inappropriate to expect a new partner to take sides.

• Do either or both of you want more children? This can be a big source of conflict in a relationship if one does, but the other doesn’t or can’t. Also consider the emotional effect on the children – a new baby may make the older kids feel they’ve been displaced in your affections.

• Kids are kids, friends are friends. Your kids are not appropriate confidantes about your dating and relationship issues, unless the kids are adults themselves. Don’t add to their confusion by putting them in adult roles.

• Although this is something nobody wants to think about, a small percentage of people seek out single parents as a way to gain access to children for potential abuse. For the safety and well-being of your family, please do the necessary background investigations before you get too involved with someone.

• Little pitchers have big ears. Be sure that your behavior in front of the kids is appropriate. In particular, be careful about displaying physical affection when the children are around. They know more – and understand less – than you may think. Don’t do anything in front of the kids that would embarrass you if they were to report back to the other parent.

• Children use their parents’ behavior as a model for their own lives. Though they may not express it all the time, you’re not just a parent, you’re their hero. The examples you set for your kids will influence them over a lifetime.

Remember, these are just guidelines. A lot will depend on the age of the children. Are there one, two or three? Are they 5 or 15, big difference. In talking with many of our singles who have re-entered the dating world, most agreed on these key points:

1) Don't introduce the kids to your date until the relationship has matured and you really know this person. Your kids don't need to grow an attachment only to feel the same hurt or pain when a relationship breaks off. Too many parents don't understand that their kids actually hurt for their mom or dad when they know a relationship didn't work out. They don't have the maturity to understand the dating world. Protect them, leave them out of it for the first three months, period. Yes, it's difficult, yes you have a life too, three months is still our recommendation.

2) Okay, so it's been three months, you meet her kid(s), she's cooking dinner for you. Guys, don't do sleepovers. Yes, it's tempting. Yes, I know you don't want to leave. When the kids go to bed, only to wake up and see you still there, it causes all kinds of confusion. Trust me, you’d better be seriously considering putting a ring on her finger if you're going to start doing sleepovers. Kids will not easily forget the person who shared Mom or Dad's bed. You may not understand the damage it causes until they reach 14 years of age, but by then you will.

3) Single parents need to be able to sit down with their kids before they introduce these key relationship milestones. Remember, as parents we are teachers. Our kids are our students. Think about the lessons we're teaching them, and ask yourself, "Do they understand?". If not, you need to work harder.

Until the relationship matures into something serious, we recommend you keep the kids "out" of it. Have a date night, but don't let the kids feel threatened by it. You only have your kids living with you for a very short time, think about them first. Both of you!

Long distance online dating, is there hope?

Wed, 1 Sep 2004 14:43:35 -0800

One of the thrills of surfing the World Wide Web is the chance to meet people from all kinds of backgrounds, from all areas of the world. Sooner or later, you're going to meet someone you really click with, except that they're across the country, or halfway around the world. What happens then?

Here's how the perfect scenario plays out: Your relationship develops and blossoms as you email back and forth, talk on the phone, and finally summon the resources (and courage) to meet face to face. If all goes well, your real-life meeting sizzles and you're ready to take the relationship to the next stage. You know the two of you are meant for each other, and you officially declare yourselves an "item". At the end of the visit you part, but each of you leaves something of yourselves behind. The two of you can barely wait to be back together again.

Okay, now step back for a moment. Yes, long distance relationships can work, but they can be stressful for both of you. Some kinds of problems crop up repeatedly:
Loneliness and depression. You're meant to be together, but you're so far apart. Everyday things just aren't fun anymore without your special someone at your side.
Jealousy and suspicion. During the time you spend away from each other, do you worry that you might not be the only one in his or her life? Is the love of your life really everything he or she claims to be? Although some jealousy is natural, without an easy way to reassure yourself that all is indeed well, the feeling can eat you alive.
Time and expenses. One or both of you will have to travel every time you meet. Can you afford to pay your share of the travel expenses without turning your financial life into a shambles? Can you afford to take time from work and other obligations without repercussions?
Values and expectations. It's easy to assume that you are both seeking the same thing in a relationship, and share similar values. Yet differences in culture -- even a difference in background or education -- can lead to confusion and conflict, even when you think you have much in common.
The day of decision. You've decided you want to spend the rest of your lives together. One or both of you will then have to pull up stakes and leave behind homes, jobs, friends, even family. It's a huge step to take, much bigger than the two of you moving into an apartment across town.
It may be easier to live in the moment, and avoid thinking about the unique problems that come with long-distance relationships. People can and do maintain this convenient blindness, often for years or decades. Neither one is prepared to take the next step, and the relationship stumbles along, convenient, stagnant and ultimately unsatisfying.

But is this really what you want out of life? Strong, lasting, mature relationships need open communication. Sharing a romantic night out is one thing; sharing your feelings and fears is something quite different. It's risky and scary, but it's difficult to keep your relationship emotionally healthy if you're sharing only the happy thoughts.

For most people, a loving relationship is only complete when the two of you can spend your lives together. Take the time you need to get to know each other from a distance. But be prepared to set a goal of real togetherness once you've decided you're truly right for each other, or end the relationship graciously if not

Is online dating safe?

Sun, 1 Aug 2004 14:40:39 -0800

YES!, provided that you observe a few common-sense rules, it's at least as safe as other ways of meeting people. Because you use a "handle" online rather than your real name, you can take your time getting to know people in cyberspace before arranging a real-world meeting. You're free to block or ignore members who don't meet your criteria, and you can base your decision on whether to meet someone on personality rather than just appearance. Finally, you can explore relationships online without the pressures you might encounter in a singles' bar or club that could impair your good judgment.

Should I give out my phone number?

For the highest level of safety when communicating by telephone for the first time, we recommend that the man provide a telephone number, which the woman can call. The highest level of privacy is to call using a prepaid cellular phone, which can be as anonymous as you like. The next best choice would be to use the Caller ID Blocking feature (*67 in many areas) from your telephone before placing the call (however if you call a toll-free number, your phone number will always be displayed to the recipient, even if you block your Caller ID -- only fair if they're paying for the call).

After you have established a relationship with another member and feel comfortable disclosing your personal contact information, it's generally okay to go ahead and do so. If you get unwanted calls, the security department at your phone company can help stop them.

Should I give out my home email address?

We suggest keeping your home email address private until you have established a high level of trust and are ready to meet face to face (or have already done so). Although most of the people looking for friendship and romance online are nice, ordinary people like you, occasionally there can be problems when someone won't take "no" for an answer, and continues trying to contact you even after you've let them know that the relationship is not meant to be.

So long as the contact remains within the dating site’s private email system, this type of behavior is easy to control -- simply use your Block button to "disappear" from the site. Once someone has your home email address, though, it can be difficult to maintain your privacy.

Top 10 internet dating tips, counting down...

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 14:41:50 -0800

10. For the first date, plan to keep it short. A lunch date is ideal. If the two of you really click, you can always stay out longer, or make plans to meet again.

9. Have a backup plan just in case the weather turns bad or the restaurant is closed.

8. Call a day or two beforehand to confirm the date, time and place.

7. Both he and she should use their own transportation on a first date. Be sure you know how to get to where you've agreed to meet, and show respect for your date by arriving on time.

6. Dress appropriately for the occasion. For her: dress comfortably, and (although it sounds like a cliche) avoid overly provocative clothing. For him: be clean and neat, get a fresh haircut and a shave. For both: shower, use a mouthwash and deodorant, and avoid strong perfume or aftershave.

5. For your own safety, let a friend or relative know where you're going. Carry a cell phone with you, and be prepared to leave if things go beyond your comfort zone.

4. Keep the conversation light and pleasant. Good subjects include family, work and career goals, hobbies and music. Touchy subjects such as ex-girlfriends, boyfriends or spouses are always off-limits on a first date.

3. Show class and self control. Don't go "all the way" on the first or second date, and drink in moderation, if you drink at all.

2. First dates can be stressful. Keep a sense of humor, and don't take things too seriously.

1. Know when to end the date. Leave on a high note, before either of you starts getting bored. Be honest and courteous about whether you want to meet again.

What results should I expect?

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 14:39:17 -0800

As with other social activities, what you get out of online dating depends very much on what you put in. Women in particular tend to be overwhelmed at times by the number of responses they get from men who often respond in high numbers to well written essay questions.

A profile with a good photo will always get more results than a profile without a photo. In fact, our numbers have shown that a profile with a photo will be viewed 10 times more than a profile without a photo in the first 90 days. If you're serious about meeting people online, take the time to get quality photos, and spend some time on your profile, too. If you contact someone whose photo and profile appeal to you, the likelihood of a response depends very much on how well you "sell" yourself. Don't just say "Hi" and leave it at that, or your email will probably be ignored. Introduce yourself, say what it is about the person that appealed to you, and suggest ways that the two of you might be compatible.

Men are probably the worst offenders because, well, they're basically lazy. However, the Man that takes the time to actually read a women's profile and write an intelligent message, referring to some of the specific items in her essays will usually score much higher than, "Hi, my name is Bill, I like your photo, please write back".

So, if you take the time to write a nice essay for your profile and post a recent photo - you'll be amazed at how fast you'll meet people online.

What is online dating?

Thu, 1 Jul 2004 14:30:16 -0800

Online dating is a way for singles to meet each other on Internet web sites. An online dating site typically gathers information about its members, and uses that information to search for potential partners with compatible interests and characteristics. Online dating sites differ in the extent to which they help members screen contacts from other members.

What's the difference between online dating and computer dating?

Traditional computer dating services use questionnaires filled in by hand from customers, and input that data into a computer program that attempts to match the customer with compatible people. They suffer from a limited market area and a lack of privacy. Fees can be high, and results are often disappointing.

Online dating services automate the questionnaire process and allow their customers to interact with each other directly. You can search for other members at any time of the day or night, from the privacy of your home, rather than waiting for regular business hours. You can search for compatible people in your own area, or in any other part of the country, or the world. There is often no fee for basic services, and subscriptions are usually very reasonably priced.

What's the difference between online dating and the personals column of the local newspaper?

If you post a personal ad in your local newspaper, only the people who read the classified's will see it. You may be flooded with responses, or you may not receive a single reply. Responses are completely unscreened -- you will have to filter out the creeps, the time wasters, and the otherwise ineligible, and you may not end up with anyone you would want to meet.

Online dating services use the information provided by their members to suggest compatible matches, and they make it very easy to search for people using a variety of criteria.

What's the difference between online dating and the local singles' scene?

The local singles' scene, whether it's a trendy bar or nightclub or a church singles' group, is only for the very brave and socially adept. The bar scene is particularly risky for those who are shy or uncomfortable approaching strangers. And even if you do meet someone in a bar, you may end up with someone who only likes going to singles bars -- not always the best potential romantic partner in the long run. Church and other social groups for singles attract like-minded people, but the membership may not be diverse enough for you to find and develop stimulating relationships. And both aspects of the singles scene require time commitments, and may not fit in well with your schedule.

Online dating services offer the best of both worlds -- the "anything goes" atmosphere of the singles scene, where people from diverse backgrounds can come together in a non-threatening way, and special affinity groups, which narrow the field to those who share a particular interest. Both types of sites can expose you to a larger variety of people than you are likely to meet through local face-to-face, and you are free to explore the sites at any time, rather than on someone else's schedule.

Who uses online dating?

People whose life or work schedule makes it difficult to conform to someone else's timetable. Anytime is a good time to meet and communicate with people online.

People who are not comfortable with the "singles bar" scene. If your goal is to meet someone who likes going out to bars, fine, but that limits your potential contacts. Online dating provides much more variety in terms of age, interests and personal style than you're likely to find in a singles bar or singles group.

Nice people who aren't comfortable introducing themselves to strangers. Online dating gives you time to get to know someone in email or chat before taking the relationship to the next level.

People who value their privacy. Online dating sites allow you to conceal your identity until you are comfortable revealing it. Nobody needs to know you're looking for a partner -- not your friends, your co-workers (or boss!), or your family.